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[17 Mar 2004|07:23am] |
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mood |
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 okay |
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music |
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Nickelback -- Figured You Out |
] |
This past weekend was...unexpectedly busy. Very busy. Good. But busy. ...hm, very good.... *coughsisnotblushing* Anyway. Except for Sunday. That was still busy, but it was not unexpected. More was something I dreaded. Though I nearly forgot about it, after other...distracting things came up. I only regret that I didn't _fully_ forget about it, or that I couldn't bring myself to lie that I had.
Regarding the stupid appointment I had on Sunday...how fscking inane. Pissed me off that I couldn't get out of going. I still think they're idiots for having selected me to go. But worse...worse...ch', how the hell did I end up with *those* in my closet? Figures, that the one weekend my parents are gone (they went out to spend some time together for White Day), I'm distracted from realizing I'm out of laundry. And didn't discover such until I was already running late.
I would have just worn my tennis gear, if it hadn't needed cleaning. Or some nice slacks and a button-down shirt, if I hadn't outgrown what I currently have in both height and muscle mass (am very annoyed that I didn't discover this sooner). Ch'...but how was it I ended up with _leather pants_? I'm appalled to think my mother got those for me. Or...if _someone else_ got them as a joke, I'm serious, I'll bite you for it, and not in a way you'd like. ...damn, there's two someones who would pull that sort of thing on me.
Damned pants were extremely uncomfortable. There's no room to move in them, there's no give. They're too tight, especially if... Especially after...or if... *hisses* Ch', screw it. Let's just say they're damned uncomfortable and leave it at that. Stupid things made walking normally even more difficult. Who _chooses_ to wear crap like that? And I looked like an idiot--only shirt that looked right with them was too tight, too. Stupid, all if it.
Though all other things aside, I think I'm most annoyed that someone else found out about the damned...appointment thing. Embarassing... *growls* Hmph. At least he seemed to enjoy himself.
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| [Private entry 2/20/04] |
[21 Feb 2004|08:38am] |
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mood |
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 grumpy |
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Damn it...can't believe I'm _choosing_ to journal something. That I don't intend others to see. For just my own mulling over. What sort of stupid-assed idiot am I turning into?
Anyway.
.........modelling?? What the hell sort of crack are they smoking? There's got to be some sort of mistake--they've got me mixed up with someone else, or something. Ch'...I see myself in mirrors. I know what I look like. I know I can make people flinch, make kids cry, make small animals panic and run away.
................._modelling_??? This has to be some sort of joke.
Eh. Wasn't going to deal with it. Had planned on just throwing the information in the trash. But somehow Mother spotted it all (if I find a sibling pointed the stuff out to her, I will smother said sibling with a pillow). And she thinks its...a wonderful idea. ...........Ch'... I tried to reason with her, but then she got that _look_, and said that every member of her family is beautiful, thank you very much. And she was gesturing, rather emphatically...she did happen to be holding a knife, yes. Why do I always catch her cooking in situations like these? Makes discussion impossible.
But then Father found out and joined in on it. He thinks it's an excellent opportunity. How very practical of him. But he says that many professional athletes don't make their living from tournament winnings or such, but from endorsements. And this is a foot in the door that way. Of course he had to remind me of how I've stated that I will play professionally someday. And in addition how such things would help fund training and coaching to attain that goal. And how a mature adult does what they can to support themselves, even if they do have a family that is willing to fund their endeavors whenever needed...
Fine. Whatever. Logically, I see the point.
But it's the damned stupidest-assed thing _ever_...so far.
Hmph...so I told the group yes, I'd do it. But I have no doubts they'll quickly realize their error, and then I can be done with it. Good. Haven't told anyone else about it, because it's not going to go anywhere. And I'd prefer not to be laughed at. Not even by Takeshi.
...well, I did tell Sessha-chan about it. She didn't laugh. Just blinked in that sleepy-unamused way, then crawled up my shoulder and tried to eat the tied ends of my bandanna. Fuzzy little beast. (...hm, no one can see, so... <3 About her and him. ...ch', what sort of idiot have I become?)
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| A message to someone. He knows who he is. |
[14 Feb 2004|06:43am] |
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mood |
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 nervous |
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music |
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Ever -- Okiayu Ryoutarou |
] |
Damnit...didn't intend to say something *here*... But I keep getting your voice mail when I call your cel (maybe you should charge the batteries once in a while--or is it just buried in your room again?), and I get a busy signal on your home line. And your email box must be full or something because it's bouncing messages.
But I guess this works as well as anything. Because...maybe...*shrugs*...perhaps there's something to be said for a person acknowledging someone they care about where others will notice. Like a few years ago, when my father told my mother that for her, he would stand on a rooftop and shout that he loved her for all to hear. (Of course, that was when he dipped her and kissed her, which was more than a little disturbing, really, and caused Hazue and I to have to go scrub our eyes, and I don't even want to think about where my parents disappeared to that night, or where they're going tonight, because I think I'd traumatize myself into catatonia.)
Anyway. I...wasn't sure if today was the sort of day where I should give a gift. It's like...I always thought it was a girls' holiday. But I know in other countries, and more and more often here, people of either gender give each other things. I just...didn't know what to give. All the usual things seemed wrong. Not 'you'. But then I thought about what Father had said to Mother back then. And though I'm not a rooftops sort of person, I can at least give the gift of...uhm, of a public declaration. So...
I... Happy Valentine's Day, Takeshi. You...I...I...you know. ...the rest I have to say...ah...your ears only. I'll come find you. Or you, me. Whichever.
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[15 Dec 2003|04:47pm] |
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mood |
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 predatory |
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Oi...Monkey. Remember the whole 'number of journal entries' thing from a while back? This is number 23. Looks like you're at 16. Would be...unfortunate if you kept falling behind, don't you think? *arches eyebrow* Don't tell me you don't have what it takes to keep up, Ta-ke-shi...
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| Pathetic. |
[29 Nov 2003|12:49pm] |
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mood |
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 enraged |
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music |
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Blue October -- Razorblade |
] |
...it is...bad enough to have someone mess with you for days, and be so stupid-amused with themselves, thinking they're so damned funny and _cute_ for it. *disgusted*
But it is worse, to not just lose a match to them...but lose it...badly. So pathetically badly, that by rights I should throw away my racquet now, seriously, right now. When I needed to prove a point...when I needed to make that idiot shut _up_...when I needed to show that I am _not_ someone to be trifled with and he is _not_ the wonderboy he seems to think he is... *growls* 6-damned 2?? Ch'...hell, it's no wonder I end up the laughing stock so damned often. How the hell can I expect to be taken seriously if I play like crap? And no, I don't buy in to 'luck', or whatever the hell he goes on about. I should have beaten him...should have at least been a challenge.
But to fucking make it WORSE...Sengoku, I swear, I _swear_ to you, you pull that sort of stunt like you did after the game, I will _hurt_ you, do you understand? I don't care how much your kouhai protects and apologizes for you, I will make you suffer. Do _not_ mess with me like that again, do you understand? I will rip your damned lips _off_. Do I make myself CLEAR?
( just pointless rambling )
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| ...the hell?? |
[05 Nov 2003|03:40pm] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
] |
Why the hell am I getting mailed samples of eyeliner? This is the fourth time in the last two weeks. Someone think I'm some movie pirate or visual kei type or something? If I find out any of you started this, I'll slug you. Then make you wear the stuff. Ch'...how stupid.
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| kudaranai |
[07 Oct 2003|12:39pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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music |
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Our Lady Peace -- 4am |
] |
It is amazingly easy to get caught up in matters that, on the surface, seem a big deal, but really...are not _that_ awful, in the grand scheme of things. It all passes, eventually, life goes on like normal. Seeing something truly serious happen in another's life gives a person perspective, I think.
Not to say that dealing with things can't still be aggravating, or frustrating. Like the fact that someone isn't speaking to me at the moment (and either I unwittingly taught him that glare, or it's genetic)--and they aren't listening to explanations yet. Or they're ignoring them. (I seem to recall once saying that stubbornness might be a family genetic trait, as well...) Typical somehow, that the persistent chatter that was annoying the other day is something I kind of miss, at the moment. *shrugs* And I know, it's my own stupid fault, for not paying attention to what I was doing like some idiot. Eh.
Still considering that 'move to Antartica' idea. Sounds better than bowling--but I wouldn't be so thoughtless as to skip that event when it's also buchou's birthday. ...though the Australian outback also sounds tempting. Low population, lots of flat areas that'd be good for running... Which reminds me of something I saw recently at this website: http://meme.essortment.com/mostpoisonouss_rxaz.htm . Seems Australia is where the world's possibly most toxic snake can be found--the Inland Taipan. Am amusing myself with the concept of naming some new shot or move after it.
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| It's _not_ what you think. |
[06 Oct 2003|12:44pm] |
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mood |
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embarrassed |
] |
I swear, it's _not_.
This is directed at you, monkey. Momoshiro. Whatever. For once I actually _hope_ that you're reading here. That thing I gave you..._passed along_ to you. That wasn't from me. It wasn't even meant for you. That was something Nya-chan gave me. The thing I meant to give...pass along to you, was this stuff from Hazue. Damned kid can start giving you things directly, for all I care, and quit making me be his messenger service.
So don't get the wrong idea. Do _not_ take that package the wrong way. Just ignore it, throw it out, I don't know, do what you want with it, but don't think it's from me. I'm serious. So, I'll just pass along this stuff from Hazue later, and then we can forget about that other thing. Right? Fine.
Though knowing my luck, with the amount of time that's passed...you've probably taken it the wrong way already. ...hell.
Note to self: find wall, bang head against it. Then, move to somewhere where I don't have to deal with people, brothers, small children, or whatever. Antartica, maybe. Ch'.
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| Ruminating over recent events |
[24 Sep 2003|12:58pm] |
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mood |
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 thoughtful |
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music |
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Conjure One -- Center of the Sun |
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Hmf. I really am still not comfortable with how public these journal things are. I personally would rather keep the aspects about my life private. However if it a task that is assigned, or even just...highly 'encouraged' (eh), I will not quit or fail. But I am not obligated to participate _often_. That being said...*shrugs*
It seemed that the string of 'annoying' events continued. Though, to be honest, each event seemed to also bring the possibilities of...change? Growth? Something. I did have the match with Fuji-sempai, and lost--which truly is not a surprise. I will have to drive myself much, much harder to be at his level; though this is a goal I _will_ someday achieve. However, I did not do poorly, and he seemed to feel my game has improved. Afterwards, we talked about...various things. ...I was not the most willing of participants in the discussion, I will admit. I should apologize for my abrasiveness. It was not right of me to be so to a sempai. But the advice he gave...is useful--it was good to hear another's point of view on the situation. It's helped me find a more rational perspective on things.
Though that was severely tested that same evening. *hissing sigh* My mother decided to use the monkey's babysitting service for my younger brother. ...ch'... I am...thankful for my parents thinking of me, of leaving me my time for training and practice. But it was...unexpected to find him in my house, with my brother. I did not react well. But... Fine. He can be an idiot. Often. But...ehhh...he can be trusted. And maybe is a decent person. There's strength and intelligence there, when he bothers to be serious, and apply himself. Ch', but he's still mostly an idiot, who needs to grow up. Hmf, whatever. *shrugs*
But if Hazue wants to be friends with him...fine. Maybe it's okay. But I should keep an eye on things to...make sure they stay okay. And I owe it to my parents to look out for my brother. Which is why I went to that stupid video game contest recently. Hm...*amused*...but it was worth it, to see Hazue kick the asses of all those alleged experts and 'masters' of it. I freely admit I'm proud of him. Ha. Might not even complain about the stupid music from his home game now--because maybe he had some luck, but mostly it was all the practicing he does that helped him win. I can respect and relate to that. Though...I think earplugs might still be a good thing to get. *shrugs*
Pff...other things went on. But this is long enough--and what happened this past weekend will take enough space on its own to describe. *glowers, unamused*
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[12 Sep 2003|04:09pm] |
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mood |
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 aggravated |
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music |
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Korn -- Did My Time |
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This past week, I have:
*Been caught in the rain while running, twice.
*Lost my cel phone.
*Found my cel phone. In a puddle. Now it sounds odd.
*Stepped on a favorite CD, cracking it (it shouldn't have been on my floor anyway, don't know why it was).
*Broken a shoelace during practice, right in the middle of a match.
*Been nearly bitten by a very innocuous-looking, but actually extremely tempremental dog.
*Forgotten my English homework at home, once (Embarassing, especially since I enjoy that subject).
*Dropped a small hand-barbell weight on my foot, during a moment of stupid distraction.
*Had the music from Hazue's stupid DDR game running through my head constantly. I may buy earplugs.
*Had to run laps during two practices, due to arguments with a certain idiot.
I am not superstitious (really), but I can't shake this feeling that my 'karma' is bad right now for some reason. Can't help looking over my shoulder occasionally, as it would be typical to be trampled by a group of idiots or run over by some ape on a bike. I hope this is the end of it, and that no more annoying things happen.
Also, my plan to build up a tolerance to various Juices is not going terribly well. Eh.
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[04 Sep 2003|01:24pm] |
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mood |
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 blank |
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music |
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DuelJewel -- {Sepia} |
] |
That stupid game is everywhere.
I know my parents have noticed that it's more quiet than usual at home, that both Hazue and I have been acting a bit off. So it doesn't suprise me that Mother tried to make us cheer up.
But that she did so by...eh. By buying a home copy of that damned Dance Dance game for the Playstation, and one of those dance mats. There's just something vaguely horrifying about the whole concept.
However, Hazue seems to like it. If by "like", one means "is addicted". Eh. Though when he plays it's like seeing only flying elbows and knees. I've been tempted to offer advice to improve his coordination and efficiency, but that might result in me having to play. I'd rather not. *twitches* Hmf. Whatever, if he's happy with it... *shrugs*
Have been doing something different recently, since he's been hanging around a lot more. When I normally would go on my evening run (I just train for real later, doesn't matter if I jog when it's dark), I've been going out walking with him--sometimes running a bit, but mostly walking so we can talk. As that's what he really seems to want to do. I tend to just listen, for the most part. But I'm trying to...discuss things with him, as best I can. Though I think he can tell I'm holding back on some of my opinions. But I'm just trying to be...nice. *shrugs* He doesn't need to hear what I do/don't like, what I can/can't stand. Though...I am tempted to share some things with him. To let him know that on some points, he's not alone, that we are similar. Hm. It's hard to be that open, even with family.
Ah, right. Father and Mother also got me something as a 'good luck' for Seigaku's upcoming match with Johsei. A tye-dye bandanna that Mother found at a local arts/crafts fair. *winces* It is...not what I would have chosen for myself. But it is a gift. I suppose I'll wear it during that match, then. Eh.
I've heard there is some question as to whether Inui and I will play doubles during the Johsei match, or if I'll play singles. *shrugs* Doesn't matter to me. He and I work well together, despite what everyone else thought at first. But I'm fine with playing alone, if that's the way it ends up.
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[09 Aug 2003|09:44am] |
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mood |
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contemplative |
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music |
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Coldplay -- The Scientist |
] |
Am feeling...calmer than I have been recently. Have been trying to be understanding to Hazue. Even if I want to shake him and yell, "What the hell are you thinking?" As much as I want to, I can't do that--he can't control what he feels. No one can. Maybe it will pass. Then again, perhaps it won't. Eh...
Still feel strangely angry when I think about it. Why _that_ person? _Anyone_ but them. Hmf...fine, nearly anyone. I suppose I can think of worse. Maybe. Am not quite certain of that. Ch', he's too _young_ for this.
My concentration has been what I would term pathetic. Extremely pathetic. Am finally getting less distracted, though, and more focused to my usual levels. But it still requires improvement. The team does not need someone who can't set personal things aside and think only of the game. Must do this before my practice match with Fuji-sempai. I can not afford to play him at any less than my best, even during practice.
This song...for some reason, it reminds me of...ch'. Idiot. Shouldn't be thinking like that. *scowls, hisses quietly, clicks mp3 player off*
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| WTF. Part 1. I think. |
[07 Aug 2003|03:53pm] |
|
... Mother has one of these little...things. Snowglobes. Whatever you call them. Pick it up, swirl it around some, and the stuff inside tumbles and glitters kind of neat. Some might call it pretty.
But other times, something picks up the snowglobe and shakes the living hell out of it, until it's just a frothing, roiling, chaotic mess that you can't see your way through. It churns in this vortex like mad, and takes forever to calm down.
Life is like that second part. Except then life can also throw the snowglobe down on the floor, and stomp on it a while for the fun of it. And it leaves you to stare at the mess and wonder what the hell you're supposed to do next.
Things are strange. I need to think.
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[06 Aug 2003|04:01pm] |
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mood |
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aggravated |
] |
Damned idiot...always provoking me. *hisses between grit teeth* Fine, if not in Tezuka-buchou's journal, then here:
Eww... Buchou.. you'd make me touch that slimy mamushi? That's so mean..
How about you drag yourself out of grade school, moron? Though you're more suited there, intellectually.
Ch'...
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kaido_kaoru's journal
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